I made a hard decision.

The only thing that got me heading back to the gym was the money I had paid. But was it worth all the pain I was going through? Should I stop the pin-rolling sessions and just continue the exercises alone? Should I put up a brave front and suffer in silence? Should I come out boldly and tell the manager that I'm done with it? All these thoughts kept going through my head as I walked my kids through their school gate.

Coming back and heading towards my car, I saw a young man (obviously another parent) leaning by the door, I wondered why he was resting on my car. Just as I placed my hand on the door to get in, he looked at me and said, "Excuse me....?",'huh?"I said.Just then,I noticed that the car was not mine. Lost in my thoughts, I did not realise that the driver had moved away to re-park somewhere else.I was about to walk into a stranger's car. I simply apologised and scurried away.I felt so stupid.

As I got on the express way, I kept hoping that there will be some kind of traffic to delay me in other to meet the areobics class half-way or better still miss it altogether. None of that happened as the road was clear and devoid of all forms of obstacles to give me any excuse. Well, after the aerobics session I was informed that there would be no pin-rolling for the day. What joy! The spa area was undergoing some kind of renovation and replacement of machines and things. Phew! I let out a huge sigh of relief.

The next day was not so bad either,I went in with my mind all psyched up to face the cruelty of the masseur.I found out that two new girls had just been employed and they were both made to practise the pin rolling on my body.I didn't like the idea but I was trying to be strong and not scream like the last time.So they proceeded to roll.I felt so uncomfortable but I had to relax and allow them.They were very gentle much to my pleasant suprise,they were more like rubbing my body taking turns with the wooden pin roll and massaging me.I finished up with the body wrap and the sauna bath.While I was in the bath,I overheard the gym manager complaining about the new employees not doing a good job on me.Who cares?The girls tried abeg,or was it because she did not hear me scream like the last time?

Following day was a different ball game entirely.The manager came to work on me by herself.Maybe she was trying to make up for the previous day but she really overdid it.At a point,she climbed on the bed ,her legs astride,back bent over and she was kneading my back as if she was grinding pepper on stone.I had earlier made up my mind and I was so determined not to scream or shout.The only time in my life I felt like this was when I was going through labour pains.I shut out my mind completely from the pangs and focused on the thoughts of seeing my baby and holding him.This time was different.I tried to concentrate on something,anything to justify my reasons for this self inflicted 'labour'.I tried and tried but nothing could hold as I let out a loud shrieking cry.Maybe this woman could not hear me as she kept saying those new girls were 'playing with me ' yesterday so she had to make up for it today.'THIS!(puff!)-FAT!(puff!)-HAS!(puff!)-TO!(puff!)-GO!(puff!)'!She was breathing and panting heavily,she would inhale and then drop the wooden pin on me exhaling at the same time.I thought I had seen the worst until she came to my bum.After hitting it repeatedly,and complaining about how tight my undies were,she slipped her hands through the g string and yanked it off my बच्क्सिदे!I was too horrified to even speak.I just laid very still holding tightly to the bed praying and telling myself,"I will never be fat again......I will never be fat again......".


I'm a very ,very shy person.My three kids were conceived with the lights turned off.Mr Somebody knows that he has to knock before he comes into my room even though the door would still be locked anyway.Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm fat,I can't take off my clothes in the view of other people.I even hate to look at myself.So being pin rolled for me was a very big deal.When the gym manager told me I would be in my undies,I asked her if i could bring along a pair of shorts?I told her about my excessive shyness and she said,"are we not all ladies here'?(Yes I know ,but I don't see y'all getting naked,just me!).She had told me that the g string I wore that day was too tight and she needed to pull it down a little to work on my bum.I wanted to tell her to roll over it but before I knew what was going on,my backside was bare and she proceeded as if nothing had happened!

That's it!!There was no way I was going to be stripped and panel -beaten at the same time.I was already going through momentary insanity already because of this,(or how else can I explain trying to get into someone else's car beleiving it to be mine?)This method won't work for me at all.There should be a better way.I left that day feeling very humiliated and mad at everyone.The next day I came up with an excuse,I told the manager that I had some family issues to sort out.My junior brother just got admitted in the university and needed some money.I had to hold on to the second installment to enable me pay for his tuition.All these took place last year,december to be precise.I have not been to that gym this year ,my membership subscription expires in May.The only progress I've made so far on weight loss is updating this blog.I've read all the wonderful comments and taken note of the good advice.Thank you beautiful people of blogsville,the onus is now on me to take a deep plunge into the ocean of determination,swim through the waters of consistency,paddle through the waves of steadfastness and arrive on the shores of fulfilment.