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Monday, 8 October 2007

My Black Jeans

The day I wore my first pair of black jeans turned out to be a most memorable one.
Actually, they were not even mine. My sis CG just bought them and I asked if I could 'launch' (wear) them for her. She said 'No' at first but being the adorable big sis that she is, she eventually gave me. I was a size bigger than her so I had to squeeeeeeze into them jeans. They were too tight but I still wore them and off I went.

SCENE ONE: 8am

It was the day of the first Student Union Riot I had ever witnessed, there was chaos everywhere, students had made bon-fires, burned cars, destroyed school property and we were all asked to go home. So while CG was packing up our stuff, I went to make a call home to let Dad know the situation. It was on my way to the business center I met Jeff.

Jeff was Wendy's boyfriend and Wendy was CG's friend and room mate. Everyone knew they were a hot item together. Jeff would come to the room and splash kisses all over Wendy. Wendy could never stop talking about Jeff. And we all saw Jeff as a big brother to everyone.
So Jeff asked where I was heading to and I told him I was going to make a call home. He said I should not bother going to the business center. He told me he knew this place close to his house where I could make the call for free. So I followed him and he took me to his house and asked me to wait while he checked the place. A second later,he came back to say there was no one there. Meanwhile Jeff started saying things I could not understand.

JEFF: You know I like you
ME: ehn?
JEFF: Stop acting like a small girl...you mean you've never noticed this?
ME: Noticed what?
JEFF: How I look at you, don't you know you are a very beautiful girl. Looking at your backside alone turns me on each time I see you.
ME: I've never noticed-o. What of Wendy? Your girlfriend?
JEFF: Wendy? Wendy is just a friend.
Me: (trying to hide my shock) She's your girlfriend. Your babe. She's not just a friend.
JEFF: Anyway..I like you. I really like you.
ME: You are somebody's boyfriend. (He moves closer and tries to kiss me).
ME: JEFF!!!! STOP!!! (Jeff no hear...e still dey come closer)
ME: JEFF!! I'LL TELL WENDY!!!
JEFF: (stop and asks) Why would you want to tell her?
ME: Won't you tell her?
JEFF: No I won't tell her....this would be between two of us.
ME: I can't beleive this! (Jeff grabs me and tries to unbutton my jeans)
ME: (Screaming at the top of my voice) JEFF!!!! STOP!!!! STOP THIS!!!
(Jeans are too tight......he struggles to unbutton......no way.......we are both struggling.....I'm screaming...) So Jeff relaxes for a while and I get up.
JEFF: Please now? Help me....
ME: Help you do what?
JEFF: Take off your jeans
ME: I can't.
JEFF: Please....I'm begging you....I have a hard on and it'll hurt if I don't come.
ME: Please can you open the door? You know there's been a riot and we have to go home.
(Jeff pounces on me again and struggles with my jeans......those jeans were TIGHT!!!)
I keep kicking and struggling and then there's a knock on the door. Someone had come to tell him that mobile policemen were all over the school. They had given students one hour to leave the hostels.


SCENE TWO: 11am

So Jeff releases me and I go back to meet CG. I did not tell her anything. I never told anyone not even Wendy. CG had packed up all our stuff and we were ready to go home, or so I thought.
CG said we should not be in a hurry to go home. We carried our things on our heads to the school gate and dropped them there. The fridge, our boxes, cane rack, buckets, everything. Since I ended up not calling Dad, (the business center was closed) CG said we should hang around school for a while to see what would happen next. Though I was not in the mood to go home yet, nothing prepared me for the 'action' that took place. Mobile police men were instructed to evacuate the entire school. No one was to be seen after 12 noon.
Some minutes after 12pm, the policemen start dispersing tear gas canisters at us. I shouted out at my sister. 'CALABARGAL LET'S GO HOME!!!!'

As I ran towards the school gate, I noticed that CG was nowhere around me, when I turned round to look for her, I saw someone running towards the mopol guys with a tear gas canister and aiming it back at them. It was CG! What????
When other students saw this, they joined in picking up the canisters and throwing it back at the mopol guys. I screamed .......'CG let's go-ooooo!' She continued aiming tear gas back at awon police guys. I was too shocked to see my prim and proper sister confronting fully armed mopol men, throwing dangerous ammunition at them. (I guess everyone has his/her moment of madness). But in this family, I was the daring one, the rascal, the tomboy. AH! This one pass me-o!

This mini-war continued till the mopol men decided to end it. One of them gave a signal and before I could say REVERSE COWGIRL they gave us a hot chase. These men chased us and we all ran into the senior staff quarters. One of the doors of a bq was open and we ran in there. CG and I tried to lock the door but couldn't because my slipper had got stuck under it. So the men came in and rounded us up. They moved us outside, told us to lie flat, face down on the wet ground.

Then one of them brought out a whip and lashed our bums. One by one he flogged us all. I could hear the other girls scringing and crying as the whip landed on their buttocks. My black jeans saved me once again as the hard fabric cushioned the effect of the whip. All seven of us were babes. They ordered us to get up and scram immediately. Our friends eyes had gone all red from crying.

So we got home and one of us who was part of 'the gang', called CG to say that as soon as we were released to go, the MOPOL boss came and asked his boys why they had let us go so easily. According to her, he said they should have raped us before letting us go. Rape ke?? For me, that would have been twice in one day.

Lucky Black Jeans!

86 comments:

Ubong Da said...

Damn that was some close encounter for you o. As per that wendy bf you for tell im babe say the bobo na rapist in disguise. How disgusting when there are willing babes all over the place.

UnNaked Soul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
UnNaked Soul said...

Give it up to the woman in black jeans!!!

CG actaully saved the day, cos if she had said no, who knows *wink*

Uzo said...

First of all....Lucky black jeans..But did u say that CG was holding and aiming a tear gas cannister at the cops? LOL

Rinsola said...

Thank God for CG's black jeans.

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

Lol u have captivated us again Mrs somebody. I have been AWOL. Nice
Black Jeans!!

Mrs Somebody said...

@ Ubong da.....I once told on a friend's boyfriend who had been cheating on her.The good thing I did for her turned me into an enemy,as the babe called me 'sienne orwell-brown'(news broadcaster)and got very bitter.So me,I have learned to mind my business,friend or no friend.

@ unNaked.....If CG had said No....??hmmm.....Thank God she said yes.

@ Uzo.....Only those who saw her LIVE in action could believe it.
All Hail CG the ice queen!!LOL.

@ Rinsola.....Thank God-o!!!

@ a Kel .......thanks...now run along and update your blog dear.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

lol.. what a story.. serious yet told lightly. Thank God for rescuing from IDIOT JEFF, and the pain of the lashes. It would have been another story.

Thank God.

Ubong Da said...

@Mrs Somebody I would tell eh u are calling her Ice Queen eh, just wait. No beg me oh.

So did you tell CG of your near miss?

LOL u just reminded of when I tried chiking up my "friend with benefits" big sister LOL. She go report me oh. See the kind ogboju whey I use take comot for wahala, in fact I was so good that after she rake finish I come chop ontop take close case. Nnna those where the good days o. Now i no get such skills again

Arewa said...

I will definately invest in a pair of very tight black jeans and save them for my superwoman days...lol
But ohGaju... i for fear ooh CG turned into a 'freedom fighter' ...Lord help us...lol

As for that silly ass Jeff u shld heve kiked him in his damn balls. HE HAD SOME NERVE!!

Ugo Daniels said...

Oh dear! i don't even know where to start. First of all that Jeff is a muthafcuker, imagine what sexual urge can do...or rather explicit view of a woman backside, na wao! Thank God, nothing untoward happene after that

Secondly, you're sis CG is such a trip. Those are da kinda ladies i love having around me. Those ones that know when to act, what to do without even prompting..hehehe. In fact she deserves a bottle of moet from moi!

Ewo, those popo are callous. WTH!! with flogging girls on their buttocks. Bet they all got a kick doing such that. I can even imagine some of them fantasizing about the whole incidence later behind a locked door with 'liquid soap' and 'wild imaginations'

PS: just a lil secret, struggling with an uncompromising girl before sex is a HUGE turn on

cally-waffybabe said...

Mrs S, i'm sure this was the song playing on randy Jeff's mind before he pounced on you:

Jeff: Damn girl how d'u get all of that in dem jeans, girl how d'u get all of that in dem jeans... Mrs S: *asking* Is you talking to me???
Jeff: Hell yeah. I bet you had to jump up and down just to pull em up, i bet you had to......

LMAO. Girl, you bera send dem jeans down to me. You know my darling special pal, CG, won't mind.
Trust you to go and spoil everything by getting your slipper stuck under the door! And na you no come feel the beatings after you don make the rest enter yawa!
LOL at Ubong da also. He's such a riot!!!

Toochi said...

Well...whadda you know? " THE DAY IS SAVED....THANKS TO.... THE BLACK JEANS"
p.s
this line in upper case has been borrowed and modified:)
i really should start blogging again
:)

acainto said...

Incredible! Thank God you survived such madness!!! And yeah, it might have helped to tell Wendy-- there's no way she could have had a good relationship with Jeff in the long run...

Mrs Somebody said...

@ LOASCM.....We really Thank God!
and yes...Jeff was a REAL IDIOT!

@ Ubong Da....If you tell CG,I'll report you to that policewoman.You know her....the one in your fantasy(LOL).
Are you sure 'you no get such skills again'?A leopard cannot change his spots-o!

@ Arewa.....lol @ CG turning into a freedom fighter.
I couldn't kick jeff in the balls-o.I dey even fear sef make e no tear new jeans wey I borrow.

@ Ugo Daniels.....So CG gets Moet from you ehn? What do I get?
Lawling at your 'imaginations' and lil' secret.I guess you are right 'bout that.

@ Callywaffybabe: Nice song girl!But I think everyone sure deserved what the got('cept me of course..lol).They were the super heroines flinging tears gas at mopol guys.I was asking and pleading for us to go home.

@ Toochi: I heard that line before.I remember now.It's the powerpuff girls.
And yes...sweety you really should start blogging again.

Oracle said...

The black jeans really saved the day.
That Wendy guy needs to be castrated.

I don't know what got into CG's head but i think she shouldn't get that crazy again.
You can't win a battle with soldiers

30+ said...

You should just go and hang those jeans in your wardrobe of honour, it is a memorable jeans so keep it for your daughter and granddaughter. It must go down in history the jeans that saved mum.

That Jeff is a foolish boy, you should have asked him to jam ice on his thing it will come dowm on time.

Ehn those mopos are animals, when they have their own daughters in the house.

princesa said...

All hail the black jeans and the owner-CG!!!

lol! You dey find free call na im you go jam another thing, pele! With the guys desperation, If to say na skirt you wear the tory for change o!

Una get liver(guts) sha o! To det fight with MOPOL, what if stray bullet...??God forbid!

Thanks for ur comments on my recent post. I read that bible verse and it did wonders for my spirit.
Mwuah! Love you sweet.

Aijay said...

Lol @ CG's stunts. Hard babe!
Those mopol guys are animals. Imagine whipping grown ass babes like that.
That must have been horrible.
And that Jeff?? Rapist oshi.

BabsBETA said...

...

Kpakpando said...

he asked you to help him ke? what a nutcase

Calabar Gal said...

LOL!! I remember that day. I had heard so much about riots and was eager to stay and see what they looked like. LOL!!

We never believed those MOPOL would turn round and chase us to the BQ. I guess we had taunted them too much. I remember the fear as we tried to close the door and it refused to close and they were coming closer and eventually just banged down the door and order us all out.

We ladies got away except the girl with 'red skirt' and those with 'big asses' they got special lasses that day and they boys got tear gas kept beside their faces.

I remember Dad lauging at us and telling us it was good for us for not coming home as soon as we heard the announcement. I think the fridge fell a couple of times from my head didnt it? LOL!! Glad I went thru all those experiences at school anyway. (smile)

I seem to have tuirn ur comment section into a mini post. (smile)

Isi said...

lol!!! this is so good. i love this! but, you should have told someone about that lunatic of a guy. i'm not good with secrets- i will tell everyone that need to hear how despicable he is, at least i owe it to society.
that ur black jeans was God-sent o! lol!!!!

'Sewa said...

Chei, i'm off to buy the tightest jeans ever lol...man, some guys sha. And hehehe@CG, nah serious vex she vex men. I hope your kids are doing great

Mrs Somebody said...

@ Acainto.....I just couldn't tell wendy.They were both too close and I didn't want to be the one to ruin their relationship.

@ Oracle.....only CG can tell us why she went into battle with mopol guys.I was too dazed for words.I still am.

@ 30+.......LOl at Jeff 'jamming ice on his thing'.LOL.

@ princesa.....If I was wearing a skirt,the story would have been different from this one.In short,that black jeans saved me.As for the guts to confront mopol guys,it was CG-o not me.Fear no gree me pick tear gas bottle stone police.Cg was at the fore front.
I hope you are less anxious now.mum will be fine.mmuah! luv u 2.

@Aijay......CG was the action Hero(ine).LOL.

@

@

Mrs Somebody said...

@ Babsbeta.....?????????

@Kpakpando.......You needed to have seen the begging.The guy beg sef I come dey pity am.

@CalabarGal......It was all your fault-o.Come let's go home.You did not hear.Police flog my bum bum because of you.Thank God for those black jeans all the same.Will you do a post and give us your own edition?Tell us what you 'shacked' that day.

@Isi......AH! I couldn't tell anyone.Jeff was the sweetest guy in school.I thought no one would believe me.Maybe I asked for it...who knows? I blamed myself for following him and trusting him as a big bro.

@ 'Sewa....CG really vex that day.
My kids are fine...thanks.

madeonline said...

Nice writer ... beautiful write up! Never believed the weight therapist could tell some gory-soothing story. To Jeff it was soothing to those beaten "bums" - gory and to the "Bum in jeans", am sure it is a mixture of both. Thanks to the Lucky Black Jeans that saved the day! I do reccommend you keep wearing it! Flaunt it ... it is God given ... it would last forever.
Keep up the piece/tempo and we expect more new topics while they miss your weight loss lessons. If you see me you know I need no weight loss rather weight gain!

OLAMILD said...

WHATTTTTTTTT?

What does he mean by that?
why would he suggest RAPE?

Olamild said...

ONB's party is over here

Daddy's Girl said...

Wow... what a story. Those jeans sure are lucky!

cally-waffybabe said...

I've updated!!!

laspapi said...

What do you mean "jeff was saying things you could not understand?"

Jeff's would have been "assault with a friendly weapon", the mopols would have been rape.

Mrs Somebody said...

@madeonline......weight therapist indeed.Weight loss is taking a back seat for now.I've got stories to tell.

@Olamild.....Maybe he suggested rape to teach us a lesson....maybe...I just don't know why?

@Daddy's girl.....well....we all know it wasn't really the jeans that saved me.Just a nice title for my story.


@Callywaffybabe.....Thanks 4 the info.I'll go check it out.

@Laspapi.....Jeff was my friend's boyfriend,so I couldn't understand why he was hitting on me.Get it?

But in the meantime laspapi...."Why don't you sit down there? Someone your size will come in soon". LMAO!!!!!

darkelcee said...

All hail the black Jeans!!!!! it should have a place in the hall of fame for the heroic moves it did while on planet earth....lol!

Writefreak said...

some guys sa! Jeff reminds me of a family friend that woud have taken advantage of me when i was so much younger, the guy was begging with tears in his eyes, maybe will blog about it...na wa. Sa calabar girl na strong woman o!

laspapi said...

I'll get you for that, Mrs Somebody, forcing me to remember trauma

unshined congo said...

ROTFLMAO!! ive never laughed this hard reading anyones post. CG throwing their cans back at them. some funny shit man.& as for jeff, e be big mumu. i totally agree with u not telling wendy before them come catch u enemy or relationship wrecker.lol. "before i could say REVERSE COWGIRL" why did u choose dat word. lol. @CG, everyone has their moments of becoming a jaguda..

Nor be only rape!lol... nice 1

Porter deHarqourt said...

haba! Calabar Womens Riot!!!

BiMbyLaDs** said...

lollllllll lovely story.. mrs somebody i have missed u gaan.. lol...

Jaja said...

Lets give it all up for black jeans..

the boy no well... the attempted rapist.
I love your revolutionary spirit..

In port harcourt the soldiers would have shot all of you dead and buried u in mass graves, and only rumours of it will be heard

Jaja said...

eww.. that sounded really morbid.. ok not that bad..

and what are u people saying about an uncompromising girl being a HUGE turn on? hmp

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

wait, calabar gal was attacking police??? Hehn?

Anyway, thank God for dem jeans, gurl! And, thank God that that mad oga was not around when the police caught you people. I know I do....

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

men how did i completely miss this post.
I would have told anyone and everyone what a little piece of shit that negro was and after he released me, I would have gone outside, got a huge stone and rearranged his head. F&%KING Baga!!!

And that God forsaken Police guy that said his boys should have raped you guys....u know, what I am going to go back to my home work cos my blood is boiling. The animals we have in this country. I could vomit

princesa said...

Mrs S, come drink champagne for my blog o!
Mum is okay, operation went well!
thanks for ur support.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

CATWALQ ACADEMIE IV IS HERE!!!!

Baroque said...

see story...na so so...ehn! ehn! i just dey talk...i have fallen in love with CG...upon the 404 una dey chop? una no fit run...as for the Jeff dude...make him go siddon...in fact, i dey go buy black jeans for my sister still in Uni now now...ngwa update

Mrs Somebody said...

@ Darkelcee.........I dunno what CG did to the jeans.But I know it's nowhere near the hall of fame.

@ Writefreak......Some guys are just too pathetic.Please do blog about it.As for CG,the babe been use style tear eye for mopol.

@Laspapi....come and get me Laspapi!LOL!

@unshined congo....I still have no regrets for not telling her,I just thought no one would believe me.
As for the REVERSE COWGIRL, it's your ubong da that has been teaching me bad things.lol.


@Porter deharcourt...hahahahaha...LOL!!!

@Bimbylads....I've missed you too bimbylads.Nice stories you are writing out there on your blog!Keep it up girl!

Anonymous said...

big fight going on at unshined congo's blog.

badderchic said...

Ewooooooo, 48 pple here b4 me? na my Isp o!

anyways 3 gbosa's for the black jeans.

Cg? my kin chic, thats what they call operation faya for faya.

Update oooooooooooo!

Waffarian said...

Na wah oh! I can just imagine the fool, "please now,", "why are you doing like this", "be a big girl", "please, I will die", "touch it" "see how big it is for you", etc. Inyamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Anyway, we thank God for those jeans oh and as for Calabar girl, I no know say she get "militant tendencies" oh, haba! I hail una!

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO @ before you could say "Reverse Cowgirl" This story was very ahem...WILD!

I only have one question...how did you feel at the end of the day?

Nyemoni said...

I do believe it's been a hot minute since you were last here....anyway, thanks for shecking up on me...UPDATE PLSSS!!! How are you sha?

shola pacheco said...

hello mrs somebody,been on ur blog a couple of time but never left a comment,i think ur blog is cool and trust me i got weight issues as well a little bit but trust me ur only always as big as u make urself feel,
its quite a task trying to lose weight but we always get there dont we lol!!!!!!

Sisbee said...

what a day!

Baroque said...

mrs. somebody, where is that meme? abeg update this blog mbok!

Nyemoni said...

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Olamild said...

I second that

Anonymous said...

i heard press up is good for large stomach

simplynuttie said...

Typical Nigerian school riot session. Guess you had fun.

ammaro.com said...

wow, those are some super jeans, huh? looks like wierd things happen when you wear them! can i borrow them?

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

1. Na only me you no fit respond to?

2. Where the update? Haba!!

Unknown Blogger said...

Mrs somebody thanks for stopping by. And when are you going to update?

Unknown Blogger said...

UPDATE OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO if you don't update i'll continue.

Adekunle Shobowale said...

The Cops do that all the time. Choice assignment.People just keep quiet about it all and never say a word, I mean you're gonna report at the police station that police men raped you? Shame really.

BlackRose said...

ah nawa o.. i'm also goin 2 buy black jeans ASAP..lol

Miss M said...

I also have a pair of black jeans with history behind them, though not as interesting and intense as this one, I must say this is the first time I've read your blog, you're an excellent writer. :)

Anonymous said...

Hello,
I never really comment on bloggville, but I understand where you are coming from about weight issues. I was once what people would call lepa (Slim). After I had my daughter 2years ago, I balloned and my knees started complaining. One day, I got so fed up, I told my husband he had to follow me somewhere. We ended up at Jenny Craig, and that was the best thing I did. The first week I lost 2 pounds, it gave me motivation to contiune to loose 2o lbs. I'm off the diet now for about 6months, I've gainned 5 lbs and that's the most I've put back on. My knee is ok now and My husband secretly told me that he thought it would not work. I'm going to contiune the diet Next year to finish what I started. I'm planning to achieve the weight I started with before I had my daughter (minus 10 lbs my current weight). I'll update you when I reach my goal. Hope I've helped you a little bit. Just keep in mind that with a little bit of determination, you'll be surprised at what you can do.

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Arewa said...

I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH U....i just stopped by to wish u a Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year .....May God Almighty grant all ur wishes for the comming year... Thanks for all the love and support... nuff love x x x

Mommy said...

Uhm... mrs? are you there? The new year has entered oh! Don't think I've forgotten about that rice you owe me.'nyways...Happy New Year ok. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

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Chameleon said...

my darling...
where are you?
happy new year oh! xxx

Nadia Ahmed said...

please let us invest in blue jeans now, no more black jeans. lol

nice story.

Toochi said...

october?!!!!
man!

Omosewa said...

Happy new year!

Sasuke said...

funny its the little unappreciated things in life that means much...i am sure you must have been scared out of your wits about the attempted rap (d guy papa!!!)i thank God for you my dear

Baroque said...

see eh, if you don die make we know abeg, instead of keeping us in limbo...its been a while...in fact i should go ask Calabarbabe...

Nyemoni said...

I see Mr. Someborri is keeping you busy eh?

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL. Hahahahaa. I cannot believe he begged you to help him take ur jeans off so he could rape you. LOL. That's funny!

4 some reason, every time I read 'CG', I pronounce it as COVERGIRL. LOL Yeah, I know you're talking about Calabar gal, but I'm just used to CG being cover girl. Oh well

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

ah, ah, sisi. Wetin dey?

princesa said...

Just wanted u to know i saw dat ur comment wey u delete o!
Dem ban u from blogging abi na wetin?lol!

Miss u sha. How body?

stuck in my throat o said...

Mrs Mmadu...wetin do you? hope you are okay o...

badderchic said...

Mrs,
We miss you o!

desperate lady said...

when i saw ur comment, i screamed with joy thinkin u updated.......i'm waiting for u o.

the young nigerian virgin said...

thats so much for a day! damn u were too lucky! that randy wendy's boyfriend should be sacked!

the young nigerian virgin said...

thats so much for a day! damn u were too lucky! that randy wendy's boyfriend should be sacked!