My Black Jeans

The day I wore my first pair of black jeans turned out to be a most memorable one.
Actually, they were not even mine. My sis CG just bought them and I asked if I could 'launch' (wear) them for her. She said 'No' at first but being the adorable big sis that she is, she eventually gave me. I was a size bigger than her so I had to squeeeeeeze into them jeans. They were too tight but I still wore them and off I went.

SCENE ONE: 8am

It was the day of the first Student Union Riot I had ever witnessed, there was chaos everywhere, students had made bon-fires, burned cars, destroyed school property and we were all asked to go home. So while CG was packing up our stuff, I went to make a call home to let Dad know the situation. It was on my way to the business center I met Jeff.

Jeff was Wendy's boyfriend and Wendy was CG's friend and room mate. Everyone knew they were a hot item together. Jeff would come to the room and splash kisses all over Wendy. Wendy could never stop talking about Jeff. And we all saw Jeff as a big brother to everyone.
So Jeff asked where I was heading to and I told him I was going to make a call home. He said I should not bother going to the business center. He told me he knew this place close to his house where I could make the call for free. So I followed him and he took me to his house and asked me to wait while he checked the place. A second later,he came back to say there was no one there. Meanwhile Jeff started saying things I could not understand.

JEFF: You know I like you
ME: ehn?
JEFF: Stop acting like a small girl...you mean you've never noticed this?
ME: Noticed what?
JEFF: How I look at you, don't you know you are a very beautiful girl. Looking at your backside alone turns me on each time I see you.
ME: I've never noticed-o. What of Wendy? Your girlfriend?
JEFF: Wendy? Wendy is just a friend.
Me: (trying to hide my shock) She's your girlfriend. Your babe. She's not just a friend.
JEFF: Anyway..I like you. I really like you.
ME: You are somebody's boyfriend. (He moves closer and tries to kiss me).
ME: JEFF!!!! STOP!!! (Jeff no hear...e still dey come closer)
ME: JEFF!! I'LL TELL WENDY!!!
JEFF: (stop and asks) Why would you want to tell her?
ME: Won't you tell her?
JEFF: No I won't tell her....this would be between two of us.
ME: I can't beleive this! (Jeff grabs me and tries to unbutton my jeans)
ME: (Screaming at the top of my voice) JEFF!!!! STOP!!!! STOP THIS!!!
(Jeans are too tight......he struggles to unbutton......no way.......we are both struggling.....I'm screaming...) So Jeff relaxes for a while and I get up.
JEFF: Please now? Help me....
ME: Help you do what?
JEFF: Take off your jeans
ME: I can't.
JEFF: Please....I'm begging you....I have a hard on and it'll hurt if I don't come.
ME: Please can you open the door? You know there's been a riot and we have to go home.
(Jeff pounces on me again and struggles with my jeans......those jeans were TIGHT!!!)
I keep kicking and struggling and then there's a knock on the door. Someone had come to tell him that mobile policemen were all over the school. They had given students one hour to leave the hostels.


SCENE TWO: 11am

So Jeff releases me and I go back to meet CG. I did not tell her anything. I never told anyone not even Wendy. CG had packed up all our stuff and we were ready to go home, or so I thought.
CG said we should not be in a hurry to go home. We carried our things on our heads to the school gate and dropped them there. The fridge, our boxes, cane rack, buckets, everything. Since I ended up not calling Dad, (the business center was closed) CG said we should hang around school for a while to see what would happen next. Though I was not in the mood to go home yet, nothing prepared me for the 'action' that took place. Mobile police men were instructed to evacuate the entire school. No one was to be seen after 12 noon.
Some minutes after 12pm, the policemen start dispersing tear gas canisters at us. I shouted out at my sister. 'CALABARGAL LET'S GO HOME!!!!'

As I ran towards the school gate, I noticed that CG was nowhere around me, when I turned round to look for her, I saw someone running towards the mopol guys with a tear gas canister and aiming it back at them. It was CG! What????
When other students saw this, they joined in picking up the canisters and throwing it back at the mopol guys. I screamed .......'CG let's go-ooooo!' She continued aiming tear gas back at awon police guys. I was too shocked to see my prim and proper sister confronting fully armed mopol men, throwing dangerous ammunition at them. (I guess everyone has his/her moment of madness). But in this family, I was the daring one, the rascal, the tomboy. AH! This one pass me-o!

This mini-war continued till the mopol men decided to end it. One of them gave a signal and before I could say REVERSE COWGIRL they gave us a hot chase. These men chased us and we all ran into the senior staff quarters. One of the doors of a bq was open and we ran in there. CG and I tried to lock the door but couldn't because my slipper had got stuck under it. So the men came in and rounded us up. They moved us outside, told us to lie flat, face down on the wet ground.

Then one of them brought out a whip and lashed our bums. One by one he flogged us all. I could hear the other girls scringing and crying as the whip landed on their buttocks. My black jeans saved me once again as the hard fabric cushioned the effect of the whip. All seven of us were babes. They ordered us to get up and scram immediately. Our friends eyes had gone all red from crying.

So we got home and one of us who was part of 'the gang', called CG to say that as soon as we were released to go, the MOPOL boss came and asked his boys why they had let us go so easily. According to her, he said they should have raped us before letting us go. Rape ke?? For me, that would have been twice in one day.

Lucky Black Jeans!

(A-Z meme)

Ever since I decided to give weight loss a break,I have been too lazy to blog. But I'm back and I got this meme from Nyemoni's blog. Something to put up while I go and think of blogable stuff to write about.

Accent: Normal


Booze: Red wine


Chore I Hate: Sweeping floors


Dogs/Cats: Dogs (I've never eaten a cat)


Essential electronics: TV, CD player, Electric cooker, Electric kettle


Favourite Perfume: Pleasures by Estee Lauder


Gold/Silver: Gold


Hometown: Calabar


Insomnia: Nope!


Job title: Domestic Engineer


Kids: 3 (2 boys and 1 girl)


Living arrangements: Duplex


Most admired trait: My smile


Number of sexual partners: Currently?.....One.


Overnight hospital stays: Yes.......when I had my babies


Phobia: Obesophobia


Quote:" The end justifies the means."- Machiavelli


Religion: Christianity


Siblings: 5 (3 sisters, 2 brothers )


Time I usually awake: About 5 a.m


Unusual talent: I hardly ever forget names and faces


Vegetable I refuse to eat: Broccolli


Worst habit: Procrastination, biting and chewing my finger nails


X-rays: Nope


Yummy foods I make: Ekpang nkukwo, Afang, Coconut rice, Moi-moi, Afia-efere


Zodiac sign: Libra (24th September)

I'm tagging everyone that has ever dropped a comment on my blog including our very good friend Anonymous.

Weight Loss Hiatus

Last Sunday was awesome. I went to Terra Kulture to see 'the trials of brother jero/jero's metamorphos directed by Laspapi. It was fun, fun, fun and fun all the way. The actors did really well by intermittently injecting some serious comic relief into 'Kongi's 'great works. Imagine Brother Jero, a prophet doing the 'yahoozee' dance steps while praying for a disillusioned soul. The entire audience was reeling with laughter. Laspapi put up such a great show.

I got to meet a few bloggers after the play Omohemi Benson, Olawunmi, Babshouse, Uzo and Daddy's girl. I couldn't stay on to meet the rest of the bloggers that came but I later learnt that they got to hang out together after the play. Some of the bloggers who saw me were like.......'What on earth has Mrs Somebody been blogging about? She's not fat?!?! She's just okay. Emm...........Just okay?!?!?!?!?

I don't want to sound like the girl who cried wolf by raising a false alarm when indeed there's nothing to cry about but I'm overweight. I used to wear Uk size 14, now it's Uk 20 even though the scales have refused to shift. I read it somewhere that by the time one hits 30, you begin to lose muscle and your metabolic rate slows down so you pack on middle age spread coupled with baby carrying fat; which really is a losing battle except you exercise to counter it.

Folks who knew me years ago still see me now and ask in a most bewildered manner.......'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU'? While new acquaintances see my wedding pics and ask.......'WHO'S THAT??? Referring to the slim, delectable, innocent looking, gap-toothed, svelte, 5' 10' tall young diva lovingly leaning beside Mr Somebody........ME!!! lol! Next thing they ask the same question giving me the ridiculous puzzled look I get all the time ......WHAT HAPPENED???? As if I had done something really bad.

I think I should drop the whole weight loss thing for a while and blog about other issues. That way, I can focus on other things besides weight loss. I want to write about other areas of life. So weight loss moments will occupy the back seats till further notice. I'm not giving up yet. I'm still on it. I'll be back. Watch this lady in action.

Health Scare

WARNING:


This is a 'FOR SISTERS ONLY' post. All brothers in the house please DO NOT READ! Thank you. If you go ahead and read and get all irked out in the process, do not blame me. Don't say I did not warn you. You may now proceed at your own risk.


So I went to see a doctor after several months of worry. I have been having irregular visits from the Lady in red. You see, the Lady in red usually comes every month (except when there's a bun in the oven) bringing me some red red wine. We all dread her visits because once she is around, I get headaches, cramps, breakouts,stomach ache, back ache and yucky red red wine. Mr Somebody just can't stand her visits. His manly duties are put on hold until she leaves.' Is she gone yet'? He seems to be asking all the time. 'No', I reply. I'm sure she'll be gone by tomorrow. But tomorrow sometimes, never comes. In recent times, Lady in red had been coming with the aches and pains associated with her visits but with spots and drops of red red wine .For a moment I thought it had to be some side effects from Mirena. Then I remembered this comment on my RE-FOCUSING ON MY GOAL post from our dear friend Dr Anonymous.


"WOTTA HELL?! I MEAN I HAVE SEEN PPLE FATTER DAN U BUT WITH FLATTER TUMMIES! U LOOK VERY VERY PREGNANT AND U AINT EVEN DAT FAT. PLEASE GO CHEK URSELF AT THE HOSP. O....HOPEFULLY SOMETHING (GOD FORBID) ISN'T GROWING IN UR STOMACK...AND I'M NOT TALKN ABOUT A BABY!....SERIOUSLY O ".


I just wanted the doctor to find out if I had fibroids so he could get it out and give me my tummy back. But after he examined my stomach, he came out plainly to say it was FAT. 100% fat embedded in my bosom. 'You have to lose at least 20 kilogrammes in other to regularise your system. The fat in your stomach region is interferring with your hormonal balance. You must do something really fast about this in other to get everything back to normal.'

I have dropped a dress size (from UK 22 to 20)but it's still a far cry from my ideal size 14.Lord please help me.

More updates coming soon..................

7 things about me

While writing and whining about this weigh loss I decided to drop in 7 things people don't know about me.



1) I met and married Mr Somebody in exactly 4 months, 1 week and 2 days. We met on the 27th of july 1999 at a wedding and got married on the 18th of december the same year.



2) I experienced 41 hours of labour pains during the delivery of my 1st son. Labour started at 5am on a saturday morning and I delivered my baby at exactly 10:04pm on sunday night. The baby weighed 4.5kg at birth and it was a normal delivery. I did not cry /scream/shout or say any obscene thing which pregnant women are known for. I had placed a bet with my sister-in-law who had already frightened me with her personal stories and stories of other women who act up during labour. She was waiting to see my own version first hand(I can be very stubborn especially when I'm being challenged.) I told her I would not even scream or say a word. She said I was just bluffing. The pain was crazzzzzzzy but I was strong. Even the doctor praised me for being so brave. There was one point when the pain was so bad I thought I was going insane, I tried to wish my-sis-in-law away so I could scream but she refused to leave my side for a second. I remember trying to stiffle the pending sound by biting her very hard on the shoulder. I was happy I bit her even though she warned me not to bite her again. She gave me her hand to squeeze afterwards and boy! did I squeeze it!!!!!!


3) A year after the death of my mum, my dad called all 3 of us for a family meeting. CG,my younger sis and I. After a few speeches, he told me I was born without a .......(how best do I put it?) a reproductive organ? a defined sex ? a private part? a vagina? (ooops!did I just write that?)He said there was nothing there when I was born. He went on to say that I was taken to the village to stay with his grand aunt for some months. During this period, she placed medicinal leaves and herbal concotions between my laps everyday until it gradually created an opening/ partition. Only trouble with this story is that CG says she can't remember dad saying anything like that. My younger sister said he must have said it but she couldn't remember, but I know he said it because I heard him clearly and I believe him because:


(i) I don't have any baby pictures from 0-6months. My sisters have baby pictures and church christening albums except me. I had always wondered why this was so. There was a time I believed I was an adopted child even though everybody kept saying I look like my mother. And anytime I was being scolded I would sit down and wish my real parents would come and take me.


(ii) I used to be a tomboy. Each time I got into trouble ( and I always did), my dad would shout at me, asking why I was not born as a boy. He would wonder how a girl could cause so much trouble. I'm sure he was convinced I should have been a boy.

So these two reasons do add up. I only told one person but he did not beleive me so I don't expect anybody to beleive me. That is why this ranks among the top 7 things nobody knows about me. And by the way, that grand aunt,just passed on last year so there's no one else left to corroborate my story.


4)I love Beans. I can eat beans everyday even though I'm yet to taste ewa aganyin. My friends are like....WHAT?? you live in lagos and you've not yet eaten ewa aganyin. I'm now looking forward to ewa aganyin .


5)When I was a lot younger (nine years old), an older cousin and our driver made us dance in the dinning room. While dancing, I let out a little fart. Everyone (including me) automatically stopped dancing and inquired to know 'who dunnit'? We all denied but I guess they all knew it was me. The driver suggested we all take a test to find out the real culprit behind the act. His method of 'finding out' was so absurd. He brought two brooms and merged the bottom ends firmly together. He then placed it on the floor and asked us to take turns in lying on the brooms and he and my cousin would attempt lifting it up together with the person lying on it. The guilty person he said,would be carried up with the broom. My sisters went first and the brooms slid out underneath them. Then came my turn and I found myself being carried high up in the air as the brooms were still locked together. They all laughed and made fun of the whole show. I had to live with it but not for long as this incident was out-lived by other events of my mischievous childhood years.


6) I love chewing on bones. All kinds of bones, chicken bones, fish bones, biscuit bones.....you name it. When I was still very small, I would eat the left over bones from my dad's plate which was meant for our dog. I would skin it bare and crack it with my teeth. Every member of our household called me 'Eka Caesar'(Caesar's mother). Caesar was the dog and he ate whatever I left for him thereafter. I still love bones and now my 3 year old daughter loves chewing bones as well. I chew my finger nails as well as the skin around it. (Dirty habit I know). I tried to stop by fixing acrylic nails and it worked for a while until I chewed them all off.


7) Calabar Gal is my sister. I guess you all knew that already. I should dedicate a whole post to her someday. She has been one wonderful big sis. A very loving, caring, motherly, kind-hearted sister who has always been there for me. I pray that God will bless her and grant her every single heart's desire, enlarge her coasts and bring her to fulfilment in Jesus' name. Amen. I can never forget how she stayed with me through-out the period I was in labour, sleeping on the hospital room floor which had just one bed until when the baby finally came and I got transferred to a bigger room.

I have a lot more about me that lots of people don't know. I guess I'll save them all for another meme.

Battle of the bulge continues

The past four weeks would have been the most miserable period of my life but for the indomitable spirit within me. Now I have decided to ignore the 'powers of darkness' called Nepa and continue blogging with or without power supply. There were just too many things either trying to distract or discourage me so much that I almost gave up on blogging.


At this point I would like to say a big 'THANK YOU' to everyone who has ever dropped a comment on my blog. Everytime I feel low, depressed and dejected, I think of all the love I get from here and move on feeling better. Comments from here spur me on. Blogsville is the best! Viva la blogsville! Blogsville rocks! God Bless blogsville!

Some weeks ago a lady walked up to me and handed over this flier on how to lose 3-5 kg in 7 days. I checked out the website and it talked about some kind of dietary supplement that is helpful in getting rid of the fat adipose tissues found under the skin by metabolizing them off *yawn*! I checked out the rest of the site and found a Body Mass Index calculator.My BMI index read 36.6939509389. It went further to label me as seriously overweight chick with obesity grade 2. There was also a 'Why you must lose weight' section which outlined the various diseases Related to Obesity and being Overweight. I simply took out time to bring out some excerpts to enlighten my fellow bloggers on the dangers of obesity.


1)Cancer

Research has shown that chances an obese getting cancer are double of the chances of a normal person. Man will have chance is getting colonic cancer, rectal cancer and prostate cancer; while for women, cervical cancer, ovary cancer and breast cancer.


2)Gynecology.
In gynaecology it is very common to see the consequences of obesity such as abnormality in menstrual cycle period, excess menstrual bleeding, longer menstruation period, hormones imbalance, difficulty in conception or infertility on the lower abdomen etc.


3)Dermatisis
Dermatitis will occur in regions such as neck, armpits, genital region, and area near the anus, where folding of skin occur, leading to inflammation and itchiness. Besides that, folding of skin as seen in obese, at areas such as waist and thighs. Because of the enlargement of heart, the blood flow back to the heart is slowed down, leading to blood pulling and dilatation of veins.


4)Joint disease
Because of more weight to withstand, the pressures on the joints are increased. This leads to the injury of the joints, hastens the wear and tear process, and finally leads to degenerative joint disease.


5)Diseases of the respiratory system
Obesity will cause the thickness of the chest and the fatty tissues distribution at the abdomen to increase. This will lead to the reduction in efficiency of the lungs, impairing the ability of the lung to exchange gases. Lack of oxygen and stopping of breathing during sleep are prevalent in this kind of people.


6)Fatty liver
The excessive fat in the body of an obese will be distributed to various organs, especially the liver, forming fatty liver. The scariest part is that it occurs without symptom, and will lead to liver hardening when the condition worsens


7)Formation of gallstone and gallbladder related disease
In order to metabolize the excessive fat in the body, the liver will produce more bile, which leads to the formation of gallstone and gallbladder disease.


8)Abnormality in sex hormones secretion
The function of sex hormones in an obese are easily meddled with, especially in women, for example abnormal menstruation cycle and infertility; as for men, erectile dysfunction is observed.


9)Gout
Obesity will lead to high level of uric acid in the blood stream, causing accumulation of purine, and hence increasing the chances of gout.


10)Stroke and cardiovascular disease
obese usually have very high lever level of lipid in blood, hence predisposing them to occlusion of blood vessels; causing coronary heart disease due to occlusion of coronary arteries, heart attack (Myocardial infarction), high blood pressure ( hypertension ) and stroke.


11)Diabetes
The insulin produced by obese in response to a glucose load is delayed or reduced, which leads to the impairment of normally utilization of glucose after meal, hence leads to high glucose level in the blood stream ( commonly seen in adult onset diabetes mellitus.)



So there is a need to buckle up and keep going on in spite of the many challenges I face daily. Eg. Fruits and vegetables going bad because of lack of adequate power supply for proper preservation and storage. I got tired of throwing away food so much that I started taking them that way instead. The paw-paw, watermelon, grapes,etc I turn into juice, hold my breath and drink.


A few folks have been telling me I look trimmer but according to the BMI calculator, I would only be fit and trim when my BMI falls between 18.5 - 22.9 with an average weight of 72kg. I look forward to the day when I'll dazzle in my size 14 mini-dresses again. Until then, the battle of the bulge continues...............

Re-focusing on my goal

"Mummy are you pregnant?" My four year old son asked me.

'No I'm not!?!?!, said I.

"Then why is your stomach so big?" He asked me.

"I don't know." I replied.

"Mummy is pregnant!" He said to himself running away immediately to share the news with his other siblings. Some days later, when I went after school to pick him and his siblings up, an interesting thing happened. His classmates all 4 to 5 year olds confronted me.

1st kid: (Smiling at me gleefully) Bobo's mummy is pregnant!

Me: (looking very puzzled) I'm Not!

2nd kid: (Giggling) But your stomach is big.

Me: I'm not pregnant!

3rd kid: There is a baby in bobo's mummy's stomick.

Me: There's no baby in my stomach.

1st kid: But bobo told us there is a baby in your stomick.

2nd kid: Are you FAT?

Me: I'm not fat, my stomach is not big, I'm not pregnant.

All 3 kids: Bobo's mummy is FAT! Hahahahaha.


This happened sometime in March this year. Hmmm........Children of these digital age no dey fear person at all. A few other things happened and I felt so bad I nearly lost my focus.

1) My sister-in-law came visiting. She took a good look at me and asked why I had not lost weight yet. I told her I recently lost 3kg. (My weight had indeed dropped from 114kg to 111kg). She hissed and told me how unserious I have been about weight loss .'But I have lost 3kg'. I told her again. She simply ignored me and said, 'You are not just serious at all.' 3kg?!?!?!?! What is that?!?!? I did not blame her for talking that way. You see, I had told everyone I saw last Christmas, that the next time they would see me, I'd be a size 14. She looked at me again, touched my belly, smiled and asked if I was pregnant. I told her I was not. She then said, "I know you are". I'm sure you are pregnant. You don't want to tell me yet'.

2) One of my neighbours saw me one morning and asked why he had not yet seen any change in my size despite all my "running around" every morning. (Point of correction Sir, I don't 'run around'. I jog, I exercise, I brisk-walk, I don't 'run around. 'My kids run around, you saying I run around makes me look unserious. I'm doing a serious thing here.) I was fuming on the inside as I could not say this out loud to his hearing. So I let it pass.

3) Mr Somebody's nephew saw me and said; 'Aunty, so if you had not been exercising you would have been bigger than this-o? 'How?' I asked him. He just went on talking, 'You go for jogging everyday but to me-o, you look the same. It's like you've even added small sef. (Chei! I don suffer.)

4) My other sister-in-law called me on the phone and said "Mkop nte ke ke okpokpon"( I heard that you are still fat). See how bad news spreads fast? I told her I'm still working on it. No need to bother telling her about the 3kg drop because it would not make any difference. 13kg would be noticeable and appreciated but 3kg in 5 months is like child's play.

5) I attended a wedding yesterday and I bumped into an old friend. The last time we saw ourselves was at our valedictory service in secondary school 1993 set. She said I looked 'very married'. Knowing what she meant by that, I smiled nicely and said; 'Yes I'm married'. "So because you are married you have to look like this ehn? How many kids do you have? She asked. 'Three', I replied. 'And is this the fourth'? She asked, pointing at my tummy. 'Yes'. I lied.

Truthfully speaking, I am tired of this whole thing. I'm tired of struggling everyday without getting visible results. I'm tired of being overweight. I'm tired of dieting by day and going off diet at night. I'm tired of going round in circles, I'm tired of being on a roller coaster ride. I'm tired of people thinking I'm pregnant. All the negative comments I got from people around really got to me. I then slipped into an all time high depression mode...................and ate.

Not one, not two not three but four fast food joints had opened in my neighbourhood within the space of two months. I had told myself that I would not go near them until I was comfortably slim. I would not even take my kids there to avoid getting tempted. But I visited them, one after the other, buying pizza, spring rolls, samosas, hot dogs, cake and every other forbidden thing. Then I ate.

I registered myself at another gym. The third gym in 6 months. This one has a swimming pool so I can swim after each aerobics session. I'm also adding weight training to my exercise schedule. There was a period in my married life I lost 10kg in three weeks. That was 5 years ago. I'm going to re -adopt that method because it worked pretty well for me back then. I was living solely on fruits, vegetables and water. I ate nothing more after 6pm. Talk of self discipline.

MESSAGE TO ME FROM ME:

"Fall down six times but stand up seven. The wagon will leave you behind but it's your job to keep chasing it down."- Dr Michael Lee.

I met my friend again, the one who got her jaws wired and MY! Has she lost weight! She said she had lost 2 dress sizes already and encouraged me to wire my teeth as well. Me? Wire my teeth again? Lie lie!!!! Never! The first and only time I wired my jaws, hunger dealt with me. I could not eat any solid thing because my jaws were jammed together so that nothing could pass through. I could not even open my mouth to talk. I was in the Choir and I completely forgot that I had to open my mouth to be able to sing. The Pastor kept asking what was wrong with me. I told him I was fat and needed to lose weight. He thought I was up to some kind of mischief and instructed me to remove the wirings. In the end, I had to free my mouth after two weeks of intense hunger. I can never try that technique again - or should I?!?!?!?

Still on track

I must really apologise for another late update. I know I said I would update more regularly but NEPA/PHCN has been so mean. Right after my last update, NEPA cut us off from modern living, 12 whole days without electricity and as if that was not bad enough, our generator broke down. My service provider was also acting up. I lost more than five drafts because blogger.com could not connect. Was I frustrated? Living life in Nigeria as a Nigerian is a very big challenge.

Now back to my reason for being here. Brisk Walking and jogging are two ways of revving up one's metabolic engine. I used to enjoy my brisk walks mainly because I couldn't jog for 5 minutes without feeling tired, no matter how I tried. I would run out of breathe and pant heavily. Until I met a lady who suggested I join her in jogging everyday. I told her I couldn't jog and that I would rather walk fast to keep up with her pace. She replied by telling me it was all in my mind. All I needed to do was to make up my mind, build up my stamina gradually until I became strong enough to jog for longer stretches. She said: "Never say you cannot. Unless you try, you'll never know what you are capable of doing, if you only set your mind at it". Well,that helped.

The next day, I tried to go more than 5minutes, then a little above 10 minutes the day after. Gradually, I added more minutes (not without aches,pains and grumblings). I was tired and aching all over but I knew I had to challenge myself. I had to build up my stamina. Infact when Mr Somebody gave me some signals one night, I told him to cool down and relax. My excuse being that I needed all the stamina I could gather to help me jog the next morning. I was that serious. Did he listen? No! Did I give in? No......... yes.......eventually.


I really suprised myself last week when I jogged for 30 minutes, then 45minutes non-stop. It was unbelievable. I was so happy with myself. If I keep at it, I could join in the MTN marathon later this year.

Some of the comments I got from my last post were very flattering. I may not look big but I know I am big. I weighed over 114kg last month. My Body Mass Index is too high considering my age and height( 5' 10'). I know I need to get rid of at least 40kg. The doctor has warned me about the health risks associated with being overweight.

I saw a friend of mine today (We met at the gym last year). I noticed that she had lost so much weight already. On a closer look at her, I also observed that she was talking to me with her teeth tightly clenched together. She had 'tied her mouth' and was now on a forced liquid diet. I remember doing the same thing about 8 years ago. I went on a liquid diet but I was prompted (by extreme hunger) to remove the braces two weeks after. I remember being so hungry that I resorted to sucking indomie noodles through the gap between my two front teeth. I was a size 14 then and I thought I was fat.

Anyway, I'm still trying to adjust to my new program. Getting up at 5am to jog is not as groovy as I thought, but I'm sure I'll get used to it in no time.


Here are some more gym pics.: -







Going for our brisk walk






















Let the exercises begin.......






You go girl!!!......













La derriere de Mrs Somebody est tres grande!!!

Back to the Gym

Going to the gym once again was not as exciting as I thought. I had to constantly remind myself that wishing the fat away won't work as well as getting up and moving my Big Butt. So I got started on my aerobics again.

So finally, I made it back to the gym. I felt like a heroine that had just conquered a battle, the battle of the mind. I made up my mind to get up and get moving. Staying put and wishing the fat away did not work for me. Mr Somebody once told me that the only way he is seeing me losing the weight is by talking about it and so far, it has not yielded any results yet. (He does not even know that I'm blogging about it as well).

My first day was not as bad as I expected. I thought I had lost touch (being my first time this year) But I was still in tune with the aerobic activities. I did the stretches, low impacts, high impacts, floor work-outs and all. After the class was over, two ladies walked up to me and commended my efforts at keeping up with the exercises through out the whole session. I can't read minds but some how, I knew they all never thought I could go through it, and these two, confirmed my thoughts. Little do they know that I'm an ex "gym escapee". I had been sentenced to a life time of exercise by my slow metabolism but I had escaped and now I'm BACK!!! This weight issue runs in the family. My sister (a blogger) is trying to lose weight . My Dad (May God Almighty continue to bless his soul) was very fat. My mum as well as several uncles and aunts are all in the same "Heavy D" category.

I may be Fat but I'm a little bit fit. I've been exercising for a while now, my only problem is consistency, patience, commitment and perseverance. Anytime I work - out and lose some kilos, I relax and enjoy the compliments people throw at me. "Oh! you've lost already!" ....."Ah!well done!" Forgetting that exercise should be a life long commitment and not some temporary relief. But now I know better.

One thing I observed at the gym ...... I am the fattest , the biggest and I weigh the most! The only UK 22 (WHERE ARE ALL THE FAT PEOPLE ?????) But that not withstanding, I am so determined to lose the weight I don't care any more. While the work outs were going on, I just thought I could take a few pics to put on my blog, but I did not bring my camera.


So on Day Two, I took the camera and asked an instructor to help me out. I got some nice shots. Here they are:

Mrs Somebody after 10 minutes of working out.

Mrs Somebody after 45 minutes of working out

Mrs Somebody after 60 minutes of working out

And left, And Right, and 1 and 2 and 3. LOL!!

Working Out

Sweating it out......................

MOI - The one and only MRS SOMEBODY

The other clients were not too comfortable with me taking pictures while we were working out so I didnt take my camera to the gym anymore the next week. Before I started, I had my weight and body measurements taken and yesterday I did the same and here are the results.

Initial measurements on:
9/4/07 After 2 weeks 20/4/07
Weight - 114.9kg 114.4kg
Bust - 47 45.5
Arm - 15.5 15.5
Tummy - 45 41
Waist - 47 45
Hip - 54 51
Thigh - 29.5 28

So all those days of intense work out, profuse sweatings, aching joints and muscles only got me this far???? But as I said before, I'll be patient and persistant. I won't allow impatience to lead me into desperation. I know better. For the past week, I've been rising up early(5am) to jog for an hour before hitting the gym by 7am. I did not miss out on any day except last saturday which was an election day, the aerobics instructor made us do an extra hour on friday to make up for saturday. Same thing today again.

My 7 April "MUST DOs" review:

1) I must walk at least 30 minutes five times a week. (YEAH!!! I did 1 hour brisk walk/jogging everyday).
2) I must visit the gym at least 4 times a week. (I was out on every week day).
3) I must not eat anything after 6pm. (.......ooops!!!)
4) I must create a food journal. (hmmmm.........)
5) I must drink 8 glasses of water daily. ( I need help after 4 glasses)
6) I must keep a positive "can-do" mindset. Focus on my goal daily and go after it with all my heart and soul! (Okay!)
7) I must update this blog more regularly. (Please blame NEPA.....we have been cut off from civilization and taken back into the 'dark age'. No power supply for hours and even days on end.)

I'm slowly but surely adjusting to my new lifestyle and I'm beginning to enjoy it. Getting up at 5am is not that exciting but something has to give.

Still on the rollercoaster.

Fitness isn’t just physical: Change your thoughts, and you change your world. -Norman Vincent Pearle


I don't know how it happened but I have gained 2.9kg since the last time i weighed myself.Truth is I have not exercised ever since I lost 300g.I feel very bad now because I'm supposed to blog about my progress.I've been trying to delay an update until I lose at least 5kg then I would have something positive to talk about.I'm really struggling with this weight loss thing.
I did a check on my daily routine and found out that:
1) I have stopped eating my kids' leftovers.
2)I have stopped taking sugar.(replaced that with honey).........

BUT

3)I still snack in between meals.
4) I still eat after 8pm.
5)I am not eating enough fruits and vegetables.
6)I am not exercising enough........come to think of it,I have not been exercising at all.

I keep thinking within me that I just can't keep up with it.Even though I know I have to shed this excess fat,I just can't get myself to be steady and consistent.It's like a battle going on in my mind.One voice tells me....I can do it..........the other voice says.........no you can't!
I need strong will power to overcome this fight!
These simple words by Debbie Rocker of Walkvest explained in simple terms all that I needed to do.

"Changing your mind and you must, because if you have been trying to lose weight, but cannot, there is something inside of you that is disallowing it...But you may say, “I just want to lose 20 lbs, if I do I will feel better about myself and I will be happy.” Maybe in the short term, but honestly, if we don’t address our mental and emotional fitness (and we can do it while working on the physical), there is very little chance of: a) keeping the weight off, b) feeling good about yourself, and c) improving every other area of your life.

Let’s not waste time on changing our bodies when they will only change back if we don’t change our minds, too. Let’s work "out" and work "in" at the same time. Changing your mind – and you must, because if you have been trying to lose weight, but cannot, there is something inside of you that is disallowing it. You can change this pattern, improve your self-esteem, increase your joy, and change your body for good by focusing on changing your mind, too. This is training for life.

Work-ins will recondition your mind, improve your attitude, change your perception and stimulate motivation at the same time you are conditioning your body for weight loss, shaping, strength and endurance.If you repeat a positive statement over and over to yourself – like a mantra, your mind will change, the same way your body does."

Today is the seventh day of a new month and the battle line has been drawn!I have written down 7 things that I have to do in other to shed a minimum of 10kg this April.
1) I must walk at least 30 minutes five times a week.

2) I must visit the gym at least 4 times a week.

3) I must not eat anything after 6pm.

4) I must create a food journal.

5) I must drink 8 glasses of water daily.

6) I must keep a positive "can-do" mindset. Focus on my goal daily and go after it with all my heart and soul!

7) I must update this blog more regularly.

Next update will definately be more positive.

P.S
I will be on TV this month on a show called 'Temptation Nigeria'.It airs every monday at 7:30pm on Mnet Channel Dstv.So Nigerian bloggers watch out for a fat lady in a fat purple outfit.

I made a hard decision.

The only thing that got me heading back to the gym was the money I had paid. But was it worth all the pain I was going through? Should I stop the pin-rolling sessions and just continue the exercises alone? Should I put up a brave front and suffer in silence? Should I come out boldly and tell the manager that I'm done with it? All these thoughts kept going through my head as I walked my kids through their school gate.

Coming back and heading towards my car, I saw a young man (obviously another parent) leaning by the door, I wondered why he was resting on my car. Just as I placed my hand on the door to get in, he looked at me and said, "Excuse me....?",'huh?"I said.Just then,I noticed that the car was not mine. Lost in my thoughts, I did not realise that the driver had moved away to re-park somewhere else.I was about to walk into a stranger's car. I simply apologised and scurried away.I felt so stupid.

As I got on the express way, I kept hoping that there will be some kind of traffic to delay me in other to meet the areobics class half-way or better still miss it altogether. None of that happened as the road was clear and devoid of all forms of obstacles to give me any excuse. Well, after the aerobics session I was informed that there would be no pin-rolling for the day. What joy! The spa area was undergoing some kind of renovation and replacement of machines and things. Phew! I let out a huge sigh of relief.

The next day was not so bad either,I went in with my mind all psyched up to face the cruelty of the masseur.I found out that two new girls had just been employed and they were both made to practise the pin rolling on my body.I didn't like the idea but I was trying to be strong and not scream like the last time.So they proceeded to roll.I felt so uncomfortable but I had to relax and allow them.They were very gentle much to my pleasant suprise,they were more like rubbing my body taking turns with the wooden pin roll and massaging me.I finished up with the body wrap and the sauna bath.While I was in the bath,I overheard the gym manager complaining about the new employees not doing a good job on me.Who cares?The girls tried abeg,or was it because she did not hear me scream like the last time?

Following day was a different ball game entirely.The manager came to work on me by herself.Maybe she was trying to make up for the previous day but she really overdid it.At a point,she climbed on the bed ,her legs astride,back bent over and she was kneading my back as if she was grinding pepper on stone.I had earlier made up my mind and I was so determined not to scream or shout.The only time in my life I felt like this was when I was going through labour pains.I shut out my mind completely from the pangs and focused on the thoughts of seeing my baby and holding him.This time was different.I tried to concentrate on something,anything to justify my reasons for this self inflicted 'labour'.I tried and tried but nothing could hold as I let out a loud shrieking cry.Maybe this woman could not hear me as she kept saying those new girls were 'playing with me ' yesterday so she had to make up for it today.'THIS!(puff!)-FAT!(puff!)-HAS!(puff!)-TO!(puff!)-GO!(puff!)'!She was breathing and panting heavily,she would inhale and then drop the wooden pin on me exhaling at the same time.I thought I had seen the worst until she came to my bum.After hitting it repeatedly,and complaining about how tight my undies were,she slipped her hands through the g string and yanked it off my बच्क्सिदे!I was too horrified to even speak.I just laid very still holding tightly to the bed praying and telling myself,"I will never be fat again......I will never be fat again......".


I'm a very ,very shy person.My three kids were conceived with the lights turned off.Mr Somebody knows that he has to knock before he comes into my room even though the door would still be locked anyway.Maybe it's due to the fact that I'm fat,I can't take off my clothes in the view of other people.I even hate to look at myself.So being pin rolled for me was a very big deal.When the gym manager told me I would be in my undies,I asked her if i could bring along a pair of shorts?I told her about my excessive shyness and she said,"are we not all ladies here'?(Yes I know ,but I don't see y'all getting naked,just me!).She had told me that the g string I wore that day was too tight and she needed to pull it down a little to work on my bum.I wanted to tell her to roll over it but before I knew what was going on,my backside was bare and she proceeded as if nothing had happened!

That's it!!There was no way I was going to be stripped and panel -beaten at the same time.I was already going through momentary insanity already because of this,(or how else can I explain trying to get into someone else's car beleiving it to be mine?)This method won't work for me at all.There should be a better way.I left that day feeling very humiliated and mad at everyone.The next day I came up with an excuse,I told the manager that I had some family issues to sort out.My junior brother just got admitted in the university and needed some money.I had to hold on to the second installment to enable me pay for his tuition.All these took place last year,december to be precise.I have not been to that gym this year ,my membership subscription expires in May.The only progress I've made so far on weight loss is updating this blog.I've read all the wonderful comments and taken note of the good advice.Thank you beautiful people of blogsville,the onus is now on me to take a deep plunge into the ocean of determination,swim through the waters of consistency,paddle through the waves of steadfastness and arrive on the shores of fulfilment.

I found motivation.

Coming to blogsville must have been the long awaited motivation I needed. Reading through all the comments posted got me going. Kpakpando reminded me of the need to take long fast paced walks around the neighbourhood then Chioma urged me to take exercise as my second nature. Thanks girls.....you have all been so helpful and I truly apreciate all your kind support and advice.

I took the advice immediately and I now weigh 111.7kg. I lost 300g in 2days. I've found a rare kind of motivation/reason to exercise and that is knowing at the back of my mind that I will need to update my blog on it to avoid further petitions. I once asked Mr Somebody to pay me 10,000 naira for every 10kg I lose which would mean giving me 40,000 naira since i need to lose 40kg. He simply ignored my request and I got so angry I told him I won't lose weight unless he paid me(how childish!) And I kept my word(In protest). All I needed was the right kind of motivation. I said in my previous [post that I'll fill in on every event that happened in the past 3 months. I remember a certain incident at the market where a clothes trader beckoned on me to buy clothes for my daughter. I looked at the dress and it was something meant for a 14 year old. I just told him I did not need the dress. He looked at me again and said "madam bai for ya dota na? abi u nefa ket pikin wey big reach like dis? I wanted to cry, if I had my first baby at 24 and I'm supposed to have a 14 year old child, that would make me 38 or maybe this man just wants to sell his dress. 'I don't look that old, I cannot look that old'....... I kept telling myself. I thought of the guy that vowed to make me look like a model and decided to give him a call. Christmas was just some weeks away and I kept wondering how I could lose weight before then. I can't go home for Christmas looking like Mama, I have to look like a funky mummy.

Anyway I resumed at the gym and commenced on aerobics and workout sessions. You know how you pile up fat over the years and think it could disappear in a week,well that's what happened to me.After one week,I complained to the gym manager that the exercises were not working and I was still fat. I told her I needed something to speed up the whole process, I needed to lose some measure of weight before christmas. She calmed me down and came up with a solution. She introduced something called 'pin rolling or body rolling',a method that breaks up the cellulite and dissolves fat in the body. This was simply done by using a wooden pin roll(the kind used in making pastry) and rolling it all over the body while applying some massage oil.The next one was some kind of new japanese technology where I would be strapped to a machine for 45 minutes using velcro straps around my thighs, arms, stomach area and buttocks. Then finally I would get a thorough massage and get into the sauna bath. It was a 12 week program which would continue into the new year.

Sounds real good but at what price?60,000 naira for the whole program. There was no way I could pay that kind of money just to lose weight in 3 weeks and moreover how am I certain it'll work? She assured me of it's effectiveness and even mentioned some of her clients it worked for. I told her I would think about it.I wished I hadn't complained at all and as if she knew what was going through my mind, she said she would give me some kind of discount. (really?I love discounts!) With 50,000 naira to pay in 3 instalments , I was expected to commence the next day. She told me what to bring along,a black bra and black g-string as that would be all i would wear throughout the sessions.

The next day,after the aerobic classes,it was time for pin rolling. We were 4 ladies placed on the program but I was the only new person. The other women had been on it for some weeks already. (You would be suprised at what women put themselves through just to look good).I got undressed and the pin rolling began. No one told me it was painful,at first I thought it would be like getting a massage but how wrong I was. They hit you first with the bread pin, press it hard on your body and then roll it over like dough. This was done on the fatty areas like my bum,thighs,arms,hips and tummy. The pain was so excruiciating I found myself screaming and shouting,but the lady was hard and merciless. She pressed harder and rolled faster. At a point, I held up her hand and attempted to get up and leave, then she relaxed a bit and asked me to take a break. My eyes were red and my head was hot. The manager then asked her to go at it gently as this was my first time. After the pin rolling, I went into the sauna bath. That was enough for me. I could barely walk,my entire body was aching. The other ladies were feeling very sorry for me. I did not even care I just wanted to go home. Back home, I sat and wondered what had happened? My whole body was sore and aching as if I had been beaten. Yes....that was exactly what happened to me! I allowed myself to be hit, pressed down, pin-rolled and beaten. I had been tortured. The process of making chin-chin, where you knead the dough and roll it out for cutting was exactly what I passed through. Suffice to say I did not go back to the gym the next day, and the next.

What happened to self determination?

I don't beleive this myself. All the enthusiasm I started with, the never-give-up spirit, I can do mentality, believe in yourself you can do it........all GONE!!! What exactly happened? Well a lot, where do I start from? So much has happened since I wrote my first post. I have neither updated nor stepped into the gym in about nine weeks. The day I came back to update, blogger,beta-blogger, google blogger and every other blogger element, rose up against me. I can't really say exactly what happened but at the end of it all I got so frustrated I could only sit down and stare. I felt so helpless. I could not even post comments on other blogs because it required some kind of google account to enter and I did not remember ever having a google account in the first place. Unknown to me, blogger had sent my google account and password to my e-mail box which I could not access due to poor network quality of my internet service provider.


When I eventually saw the mail, (in the spam mail box) it had expired and I was told to expect another password/google account verification. And I could only log on to the internet whenever PHCN supplied electricity that is. This happened over and over for more than 3 weeks until it quenched all the fire in me. Same cycle, no light, light comes, can't access the internet, access the internet, password verification expires. People kept nudging me to update but I just could not. To think that I was sooooooo looking forward to blogging. Well, I'm here now and I'll try and fill in on every event that happened over the past two months.


The whole plan I had was to blog about my daily activities as regards to weight loss. I just felt it would help if I wrote everything down.So back to the question, What happened to self determination? I still need to lose weight. The bad news is that I have not lost a kilogramme of fat yet, and the good news? Neither have I gained any.